Il Portiere di notte (1974), Liliana Cavani
The Night Porter


Charlotte Rampling plays Lucia, a former concentration camp prisoner, who was "involved" with Nazi officer Max (Dirk Bogarde) during her imprisonment. Their involvement was more emotionally and mentally sado-masochistic than physically. The war ends, Lucia is released, and goes on to marry a famous orchestra conductor. Meanwhile, Max is waiting hand and foot on wealthy people as a fancy hotel's night porter. By some crazy coincidence, Lucia and her husband end up staying at Max's hotel. She and Max stalk and spy on each other, she tells the husband to leave without her, and Max and Lucia start where they left off. They probably would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for Max's meddling Nazi friends hoping to keep the dream alive. It's kind of a Romeo and Juliet story for people who really love being bored.

I watched this as part of my ongoing quest to see every movie in the Criterion Collection. It seems as though this is a well-liked and highly regarded film in the "controversial mainstream S&M-lite" genre. It is often compared to Last Tango in Paris. I'd have to agree in the sense that they were both shocking in the 1970s, but 30 years later, they're just dull and pretentious. The infamous "Concentration camp prisoner dresses as a topless Nazi and sings a song in German to entertain a roomful of Nazi officers" segment is usually hyped up as the pinnacle of the film. It sounds at least kind of interesting, right? Well, save yourself two hours, because it's not.

I can't even really see why this is in the Criterion Collection. I don't see how it is important enough to be preserved in such a manner. The cinematography was amateurish and the acting wasn't all that great. Just because a movie gets banned doesn't make it good.

Grade: C-

Man with the Golden Arm (1955), Otto Preminger

First off, let me just say that this film has one of the greatest posters, not to mention opening credits sequences, I have ever seen in my life. Man with the Golden Arm was directed by noir master Otto Preminger. It stars Ol' Blue Eyes himself, Frank Sinatra, and Kim Novak plays his woman on the side. Watch closely for Darren McGavin of Billy Madison and A Christmas Story fame as one of the most evil drug dealers in film history. Yeah, you heard me. This is a drug movie. Starring Frank Sinatra. In 1955. Mind blown yet?

Sinatra plays Frankie Machine, an aspiring jazz drummer and full time card shark, fresh out of rehab for heroin addiction. Zosch, his high-strung, constantly nagging, wheelchair-bound wife is sort of the femme fatale of the film. No wonder he runs right into another less annoying, much more attractive, presumably younger woman's (Novak) arms. He may be able to escape his wife, but he can't seem to shake the bad influences in his life. Just when he thinks he is out, they pull him back in. Soon he is back dealing cards to in a shady poker game, with his former H dealer practically breathing down his neck. How's a guy supposed to practice the jazz drums and make it with his broad under that kinda pressure?

Extremely controversial at the time of it's release (delayed a year due to the MPAA being a bunch of tightasses), Sinatra is surprisingly convincing as a helpless junkie. Almost a little too convincing, if you ask me. Reportedly, he literally jumped at the chance to play Frankie Machine, ousting the studio's original choice of Marlon Brando. I bet if Brando was in this movie, it would be a bit less obscure.

The entire thing was obviously filmed on a soundstage. Some would consider this a drawback, but in my opinion, it just adds to the claustrophobic feeling of the film. It's one of the first movies of its kind, as most drug movies up to that point were of the "roadshow" variety: preachy, holier-than-thou, horribly written/acted/shot. This is more like a proto-Requiem For a Dream. Man With the Golden Arm is now in public domain, so it can be easily and cheaply obtained. I saw a copy at Big Lots, for Christ's sake. However, this also means that most copies are pretty poor quality. Like, sub-VHS quality. If you can overlook that, I think you'll be pretty pleased!

Grade: A

Southland Tales (2006), Richard Kelly

Southland Tales is Richard Kelly's trainwreck of a follow-up to 2001's Donnie Darko. After watching this, I can safely say that Donnie Darko was probably just a happy accident. There is no way- NO WAY- that Kelly made that movie on purpose. I personally am not really a fan of Donnie Darko, but I can certainly see why people are fans. It's weird, but not too weird. Indie, yet accessible. It makes you think, but not too much. And the performances are, admittedly, pretty damn good. But this is not a Donnie Darko review! Oh no. From here on out, it's all about Southland Tales.

It seems as though Southland Tales was intended to be a blockbuster, due to the heavy volume of famous actors involved, but ended up as something quite... different. I'm sure all of these people signed on because they loved Donnie Darko so much. I bet none of them actually read the script. Throughout the entire movie, I couldn't help but wonder what sort of direction Kelly had given the actors, and how they managed to get any takes in which the actors weren't laughing at the horrendous dialogue they had to deliver.

Everything about this movie is over the top. The plot of the movie is self-indulgent, half-baked, and hard to follow. The special effects must've been at least 80% of the budget. Kevin Smith is in this movie somewhere- can you find him? Oh, probably not, because he's covered in prosthetics and fake hair. I wonder if that's because he was embarrassed to be involved?

Go into this movie with an open mind. Southland Tales is a MUST SEE for anyone that likes a little epic fail in their movies. It wants to say so many things, but Kelly is not nearly proficient enough in his craft to be able to say them, especially not in a reasonable amount of time. I kind of feel that way about this review. There are so many things to say about this movie, but why say them? Just go along for the ride. It is definitely not unwatchable, despite what this review may have implied. The original cut was apparently four hours long, but thankfully Kelly paired it down to 2 1/2 for theater release. The lowest rated film at Cannes in 2006, this film is confusing, poorly written, yet unfortunately not Kelly's final film. From the looks of his IMDb, he's got two movies in the bag for '09. Lucky us!

Grade: A (for Effort)