A man recklessly obsessed with a past one night stand physically and emotionally traps her, making her absolutely dependent on him. Does she magically fall in love with the man who mutilated her? Or is she literally only the woman of his dreams? Does anyone care?
This movie is the epitome of the phrase "amateur party." Boxing Helena will live on forever in film nerd infamy for being proof that talent is not hereditary. Jennifer Lynch wrote the screenplay when she was 19, but the film wasn't made until she was 25. I don't know what happened in that six year gap, but apparently not a whole lot of revising. I think that her idea is quite interesting, but her execution was very, very poor. I think maybe 19 is just a little too young to be making this expensive of a statement about sexual politics.
I felt as though I was watching an unscrambled late night Cinemax movie the entire time. The overly decadent cinematography, sets, costumes, makeup, hair, props; the unbelievable situations; Helena's awkwardly "elegant" mannerisms; totally unrealistic dialogue... the whole movie was just one facepalm inducing moment after another. The score was terribly grating. At one point I thought there was a smoke alarm going off somewhere in our house for like, five minutes.
Why is Art Garfunkel in this? Did I really need to see Bill Paxton's ass? I sincerely hope Mr. Paxton is embarrassed of his horrendous acting in this film. If he's not, I hope he's embarrassed of his super mullet, mesh t-shirts, leather pants, and the line "I'm gonna go get laid." (But the fact that he follows it with "Hasta... whatever" is fucking awesome.) Also, Red Forman is in this. Decent cast gone to waste?
Sherilyn Fenn is maybe the only cast member whose "overacting-as-a-way-of-compensating-for-the-horrific-script" actually works in her favor. Helena is an attention whore extraordinaire. For example, at one point, she strips off her dress at a huge super classy party and goes for a dip in the fountain while everyone watches, mouths agape. She's pretty much a horrible person, using her womanly wiles to control and humiliate any man that dares cross her path. By the end of the film, she's downright castrating. (But only verbally.) Julian Sands plays every girl's worst nightmare come true. One of those pathetic, obsessive nerds who will still love you regardless of how much of an asshole you are to them, and maybe even amputate all of your limbs in retaliation.
Boxing Helena is infamous for more than just being awful. Madonna was first attached to the project, until she dropped out to do Evita. Ed Harris was interested in playing Dr. Nick Cavanaugh, but he lost interest because of production continually being stalled. Kim Basinger verbally agreed to play Helena, but demanded some serious script revision. She wanted to "make Helena less of a bitch." The producer argued that making Helena less of a bitch, and more emotionally pleasing, would be incredibly damaging to the integrity of the film. Basinger dropped out pretty quickly. In perhaps one of the most famous Hollywood lawsuits ever, the producers of Boxing Helena sued Basinger for $5M in damages, bankrupting her and making pop culture history.
Subtlety is not Ms. Lynch's strong suit. Apparently she thinks this movie is some sort of metaphor? I'm not sure she knows what that actually means. If she did, she would have ended her movie more effectively. Plus with Helena's "A woman is...." and "Do you love me as a woman or as a possession?" monologues, I'm pretty sure she spells her intentions right out for us. A bird beating its wings against the cage that traps it? Copious shots of Venus de Milo? YEAH OK WE GET IT DUDE. Relationships suck. Cool.
Despite the issues that I have with this film, I do recommend it. It's one of those so-horribly-bad-that-you-feel-like-you-HAVE-to-see-it, despite-your-better-judgement films. It's an important piece of pop culture (though now a bit dated), and it may have changed the way movie studios do business forever, as they were pretty reliant on verbal contracts until Boxing Helena. As my boyfriend says, every film has its merits. Even if it's just the ability to discuss how bad it was.
Grade: B-
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