The Room (2003), Tommy Wiseau



If you live anywhere other than LA, chances are you have never heard of The Room. In the past 5+ years, this film has taken on a life of its own. It's our generation's Rocky Horror Picture Show. Perhaps that is a bold statement, but it's certainly not an exaggeration. People show up at midnight screenings dressed as their favorite characters, throw things at the screen, yell out insults directed at the film, and act out their favorite scenes. This film has a pretty impressive list of celebrity fans: Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, basically the entire cast of The State, Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim, Kristen Bell, Edgar Wright, and David Cross, to name a few. It's about to blow up, thanks to Adult Swim. Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job! had Tommy Wiseau direct and star in a recent episode, and they showed the film as an April Fool's joke all day last week, with the rampant nudity censored by large black boxes.

So where do I begin with this movie? It seems to be a vanity film gone very wrong. Or right, depending on how you look at it. A friend recently described it as "either the best or the worst movie ever." Tommy Wiseau serves as the director, writer, star, executive producer, and financier of The Room... does that tell you anything? Most of the cast doubled as crew, and it's rumored the cast/crew turned over about 3 times during shooting, probably due to everyone in the world being confused as hell by Tommy Wiseau as a person, not to mention as a boss. Somehow, Wiseau wrangled a mysterious (as in he won't divulge his sources) $6M to make this movie, yet it looks like it was made for about $6.

Though this movie was made in 2003, the costuming puts it at roughly 1998. The frumpy hair and dark, unkempt eyebrows of the "sexy" (read: kinda chubby, with weird boobs and ugly clothes) femme fatale character certainly don't help. The soundtrack is awful, generic R&B crap ("I will stand in the way of a bullet/I will run through a forest of flames," for example) that burns itself into your subconscious, preventing you from ever being able to get it out of your head. The acting is on par with your average Skinemax movie, with the exception of maybe "Chris-R," the crazy drug dealer guy. Yes, this movie "deals" with such serious topics as drugs, infidelity, terminal illness, and home decor (placing your TV behind a chair, or putting up countless framed photos of spoons).

There is no way Tommy Wiseau is 40 years old (I'm thinking 50+), or from New Orleans, as he likes to claim. I'm not even sure that he's of this planet. Wiseau has an odd presence, like the antithesis of charm, but it somehow works for him. "A half-drunk, Croatian cyborg," is probably the most accurate description I have come across. Based on watching The Room as many times as I have, there are a few things you can deduce about Tommy as a person:

• This man has never seen a nude woman. (He is clearly having sex with Lisa's mid-torso region throughout the film. This is not Videodrome. That is probably why she prefers his best friend, Mark.)
• This man hates women. (The casual misogyny of this film is acknowledged by LA fans screaming "BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN!" after practically every sentence.)
• This man has never had an alcoholic beverage in his life. (That is the only way "scotchka" and the awkward drunk scene can possibly be explained.)
• This man genuinely sees himself as a Christ-like figure. (Paying Denny, the possibly autistic man-boy's rent and tuition, bringing Lisa roses every day, the position in which he dies. Oh, did I spoil it for you? Oops.)
• This man is a genius. (He had the terrific idea to purchase billboard space advertising the film on an extremely busy LA freeway for 4 years, probably where most of that $6M went to. I would recommend watching interviews with him to see how he skillfully deflects any questioning of his motives in the making of his film. I almost thought about maybe believing that he so casually dropped the subject of Claudette's breast cancer on purpose.)

This is a movie that you simply cannot watch alone. It practically begs to be watched with lots of other people, preferably strangers. If you get really into it, here's a guide on how to view it interactively. Everything I want to say about this film has probably already been said, and said better, so I am going to direct you to a few articles that will convince you to see this film if I haven't already:

Entertainment Weekly- The article that introduced the rest of America to The Room!

NPR- Pictures AND video!

LAist- An interview with Wiseau himself!

So Much Fun It Hurts- Another blogger's obsession! (Bonus: The Room in NYC, complete with David Wain appearance!)

Cult Media Studies- A more academic review.

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!- An episode directed and starring Tommy Wiseau!

If you'd like to submit your own The Room review, please do so at tinydrinks@gmail.com. I'll post it.

Il Portiere di notte (1974), Liliana Cavani
The Night Porter


Charlotte Rampling plays Lucia, a former concentration camp prisoner, who was "involved" with Nazi officer Max (Dirk Bogarde) during her imprisonment. Their involvement was more emotionally and mentally sado-masochistic than physically. The war ends, Lucia is released, and goes on to marry a famous orchestra conductor. Meanwhile, Max is waiting hand and foot on wealthy people as a fancy hotel's night porter. By some crazy coincidence, Lucia and her husband end up staying at Max's hotel. She and Max stalk and spy on each other, she tells the husband to leave without her, and Max and Lucia start where they left off. They probably would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for Max's meddling Nazi friends hoping to keep the dream alive. It's kind of a Romeo and Juliet story for people who really love being bored.

I watched this as part of my ongoing quest to see every movie in the Criterion Collection. It seems as though this is a well-liked and highly regarded film in the "controversial mainstream S&M-lite" genre. It is often compared to Last Tango in Paris. I'd have to agree in the sense that they were both shocking in the 1970s, but 30 years later, they're just dull and pretentious. The infamous "Concentration camp prisoner dresses as a topless Nazi and sings a song in German to entertain a roomful of Nazi officers" segment is usually hyped up as the pinnacle of the film. It sounds at least kind of interesting, right? Well, save yourself two hours, because it's not.

I can't even really see why this is in the Criterion Collection. I don't see how it is important enough to be preserved in such a manner. The cinematography was amateurish and the acting wasn't all that great. Just because a movie gets banned doesn't make it good.

Grade: C-

The Van (1977), Sam Grossman


A goofy looking (apparently only to me, as everyone else in the film seemed to think he was really cool and sexy...), virginal ginger buys a tricked out van in order to pick up chicks. He ends up successfully boning chicks based solely on the fact that he has a sweet van. And he drag races other vans, which I didn't even know could happen. And that is literally all there is to it. In other words, this movie blew my mind. This is, by far, the most WTF? movie I have seen so far in life.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, that happens in this movie is coherent or logical in any way. It seems like they were just writing it as they went along, until they got to 75 minutes. Its intended audience was drunk high school kids at the drive in that probably wouldn't be paying attention to the movie, because they themselves were probably boning chicks in the backs of their vans. Do you think these kids were expecting Bergman? But I digress. I think Grossman actually succeeded in creating an unintentional surrealist film. The whole thing is like a dream. The dream of a 12 year old boy, I suspect.

Perhaps the fact that it is slathered in 70s era fads makes it super unreal to me. Since I had the misfortune (apparently) of not being born until the mid-80s, I will never understand 70s van culture. Or the CB craze. Or 18 year olds being able to drink in bars. Or tucking your sweet new van-themed t-shirt into your high-waisted bell-bottom jeans. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong. I liked this movie. I liked it a lot. It just confused the hell out of me. I think the 12 year old boy that wrote it was pretty confused too. I highly recommend this to lovers of 70s so-cheesy-it-might-as-well-be-Velveeta cinema. And please let me know if you do end up watching and/or enjoying this film, as it seems to be pretty obscure, despite its bargain bin cost and abundant availability.

Grade: lol wut?

Chatterbox (1977), Tom DeSimone


A sexy lady's vagina inexplicably begins to talk at the most inopportune times. Have I got you hooked yet? Penny's vagina, adorably nicknamed "Virginia," begins to take on a personality and voice of her own, somewhere between Mae West and Don Rickles. After Virginia causes Penny to lose her man (Ted, who was kind of an egomaniac, not to mention unattractive) and her job as a hairstylist, she seeks help from her psychiatrist, Dr. Pearl. Unfortunately, Dr. Pearl is an opportunist, and sees Virginia as he and Penny's chance to become rich and famous. Penny is completely mortified by her newfound talent, but I suppose if you can't change something, you've got to embrace it.

I felt very uncomfortable during the scenes in which Virginia was performing, particularly the first one, where Penny was stark nude onstage in front of hundreds of men essentially raping her with their eyes. This is a sexploitation film of the most devious sort. You go to see a movie about a talking vagina, expecting to see said vagina, and all you get are boobs. Although Penny is always somewhere between rarely and barely clothed, Virginia is always covered in what I would call a "vagina tube top," or "lady's codpiece." I bet Chatterbox made a lot of money a few bucks from this underhanded technique.

I also liked the mentions of Virginia putting Gloria Steinem to shame, and Betty Friedan challenging Virginia to a debate. As if this were, in some way, even a remotely feminist film. But don't get me wrong- this movie is not malicious in any way. By even conjuring up those names, it assures me that I was correct in concluding that the filmmakers were in on the joke just as much as the viewer. While it is incredibly amateur in skill (e.g. most visible boom mic ever about 6 minutes in), that gives it a sense of innocence that you won't find in most sexploitation films. If you are looking for a fun, fluff-filled way to pass 70 minutes, I would suggest it. Add it to my list of ultra-polarizing date movies.

Grade: A-

P.S. My mom is cooler than your mom, because she recommended this to me!

Boxing Helena (1993), Jennifer Chambers Lynch

A man recklessly obsessed with a past one night stand physically and emotionally traps her, making her absolutely dependent on him. Does she magically fall in love with the man who mutilated her? Or is she literally only the woman of his dreams? Does anyone care?

This movie is the epitome of the phrase "amateur party." Boxing Helena will live on forever in film nerd infamy for being proof that talent is not hereditary. Jennifer Lynch wrote the screenplay when she was 19, but the film wasn't made until she was 25. I don't know what happened in that six year gap, but apparently not a whole lot of revising. I think that her idea is quite interesting, but her execution was very, very poor. I think maybe 19 is just a little too young to be making this expensive of a statement about sexual politics.

I felt as though I was watching an unscrambled late night Cinemax movie the entire time. The overly decadent cinematography, sets, costumes, makeup, hair, props; the unbelievable situations; Helena's awkwardly "elegant" mannerisms; totally unrealistic dialogue... the whole movie was just one facepalm inducing moment after another. The score was terribly grating. At one point I thought there was a smoke alarm going off somewhere in our house for like, five minutes.

Why is Art Garfunkel in this? Did I really need to see Bill Paxton's ass? I sincerely hope Mr. Paxton is embarrassed of his horrendous acting in this film. If he's not, I hope he's embarrassed of his super mullet, mesh t-shirts, leather pants, and the line "I'm gonna go get laid." (But the fact that he follows it with "Hasta... whatever" is fucking awesome.) Also, Red Forman is in this. Decent cast gone to waste?

Sherilyn Fenn is maybe the only cast member whose "overacting-as-a-way-of-compensating-for-the-horrific-script" actually works in her favor. Helena is an attention whore extraordinaire. For example, at one point, she strips off her dress at a huge super classy party and goes for a dip in the fountain while everyone watches, mouths agape. She's pretty much a horrible person, using her womanly wiles to control and humiliate any man that dares cross her path. By the end of the film, she's downright castrating. (But only verbally.) Julian Sands plays every girl's worst nightmare come true. One of those pathetic, obsessive nerds who will still love you regardless of how much of an asshole you are to them, and maybe even amputate all of your limbs in retaliation.

Boxing Helena is infamous for more than just being awful. Madonna was first attached to the project, until she dropped out to do Evita. Ed Harris was interested in playing Dr. Nick Cavanaugh, but he lost interest because of production continually being stalled. Kim Basinger verbally agreed to play Helena, but demanded some serious script revision. She wanted to "make Helena less of a bitch." The producer argued that making Helena less of a bitch, and more emotionally pleasing, would be incredibly damaging to the integrity of the film. Basinger dropped out pretty quickly. In perhaps one of the most famous Hollywood lawsuits ever, the producers of Boxing Helena sued Basinger for $5M in damages, bankrupting her and making pop culture history.

Subtlety is not Ms. Lynch's strong suit. Apparently she thinks this movie is some sort of metaphor? I'm not sure she knows what that actually means. If she did, she would have ended her movie more effectively. Plus with Helena's "A woman is...." and "Do you love me as a woman or as a possession?" monologues, I'm pretty sure she spells her intentions right out for us. A bird beating its wings against the cage that traps it? Copious shots of Venus de Milo? YEAH OK WE GET IT DUDE. Relationships suck. Cool.

Despite the issues that I have with this film, I do recommend it. It's one of those so-horribly-bad-that-you-feel-like-you-HAVE-to-see-it, despite-your-better-judgement films. It's an important piece of pop culture (though now a bit dated), and it may have changed the way movie studios do business forever, as they were pretty reliant on verbal contracts until Boxing Helena. As my boyfriend says, every film has its merits. Even if it's just the ability to discuss how bad it was.

Grade: B-

Lo Squartatore di New York (1982), Lucio Fulci
The New York Ripper



A maniac is on the loose in New York City, killing young, beautiful women- by gutting them! The police have few clues to go on, other than the general profile of your average serial killer and the fact that the killer speaks in a tone reminiscent of a duck. When one of the victims escapes, it gives the police their best lead yet. There are enough plot twists and red herrings to keep any giallo fan occupied, and enough gore and utter brutality to satisfy fans of 80s slashers.

Over the years, The New York Ripper has been accused of being one of the most misogynistic films of all time. But I am having a hard time trying to figure out if it's misogyny or nihilism? I found everyone in the movie detestable, save for Faye, the one who got away- the real hero of the story.

Grade: A+

Vampyres (1974), José Ramón Larraz

^That is a gaping wound in a man's arm. Just saying.

Two voluptuous ladies are shot to death during a girl-on-girl tryst. Inexplicably, they return as "vampyres." Or was that actually the end of the story? It's hard to say. Anyways, they live in a gigantic mansion and stalk nearby roads, posing as hitchhikers. Why, you ask? To pick up stupid, ugly men so they can drink their blood! Duh, silly!

One day the top in the relationship, Fran, stumbles upon a particularly horrendous victim. It doesn't matter what Fran does, the asshole just keeps coming around. Every night she gets him drunk, and every night he wakes up feeling like he got hit by a train, with a large slash on his forearm. He actually does go for help at one point, but just goes right back for more. What a stupid dumb-dumb this guy is. I really can't stress it enough. Also, he would probably be really pissed if he knew that while he was passed out at night, there were hot chicks banging right next to him in bed! Man, this guy really sucks and is by far the most annoying part of the movie. I just can't say it enough. The girls go about their daily business of finding idiot men to feast on, and the dude just sits there in Fran's bed while they do it. Get a job!

I should mention that the butch from Prey was in this! She and her husband apparently thought that right outside of a creepy castle would be a rad place to camp. After seeing some heinous gore, she begins to suspect that whomever is inhabiting this house is up to something odd. She nosily stalks the outside of the house, hoping for clues. I think she might be a fucking idiot as well. Perhaps all the people that go in and never come out might be a clue? Sayin'. Anyways, the vamps are sick of her and her meddling husband, and they dispose of them as well. And that's really about it.

I guess it was an okay movie, but sorry guys, lesbians do not make up for a shitty story. Although, this was definitely more watchable than Daughters of Darkness. I don't think I'm goth enough for this genre, so I think I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Grade: B-

Prey (1978), Norman J. Warren

An alien lands on Earth. Not just any alien, but an alien hungry for human flesh. He happens upon an isolated lesbian couple living on some sort of farm(?) in a remote area of the English countryside. The butch of the couple, Jo, is extremely domineering, and it is hinted at that she will stop at nothing to get rid of anyone who attempts to come between her and her femme partner, Jessica. It's made abundantly clear that Jo is quite obsessive, and their isolation is by her choosing. It's also made obvious that Jessica is just not that into Jo, but she is young and naive, and probably a bit easily lead. She yearns to get out into the world and see what it has to offer. So of course, when this random "attractive" dude comes along, it's going to be a problem.

Alien man starts killing and eating all the livestock. Jo, apparently a dumbass, blames it on a fox. They go on a quest to kill said fox, to no avail. While Jo and Jessica are in the house sulking, alien man hunts down the fox and brings it back to the house. Inexplicably, the girls decide this is a great opportunity for a major rager! Since alien man doesn't have any party clothes, they decide to dress him up in women's clothing, which apparently then makes him irresistable to Jo. Or maybe it was the bubbly? A game of hide and seek is suggested. What Jessica doesn't know is that Jo plans on stabbing alien guy with a large knife. Well, she doesn't. Even though I wish she did.

Anyways, the next day alien guy almost drowns in this really disgusting looking lake. It looks like raw sewage. He did not take swimming at man-eating alien college I guess. This is shot in slow motion. It was probably the coolest part of the whole movie, even though it looks like they are swimming in diarrhea. Jessica decides that if they get naked, it might make him feel better! So they do, and alien guy gets a little too riled up. And by that, I mean he Hulks out, turns into a man wearing a cat nose prosthetic, and bites out her esophagus. JO. IS. PISSED. She tries to avenge her girlfriend's death (but like I said, she is kind of a dumbass), and gets eaten in the process. Good! No more incessant whining! Oh, and just so you really don't have to watch the movie, it is alluded to that alien dude eats some children next.

For only being 78 minutes long, this movie really dragged on. They wrote most of the movie while it was being filmed, and it shows. I thought the way in which the relationship between the women was shown was leaning toward homophobic. Maybe I am looking into things too much, but it was a turn-off for me.

Grade: C

Delirio caldo (1972), Renato Polselli
Delirium

A serial killer is on the loose, killing a massive amount of women in a variety of cleverly disgusting ways. A criminal psychologist works closely with the police to help track down the murderer, but eventually becomes the prime suspect.

The DVD I was given had two cuts of the film- the longer, much more cohesive "International" version, and the butchered and radically different American version. I must note that I only bothered to watch the International version, after doing some reading which suggested that this was the more worthwhile cut. So my advice would be to forget the American version ever existed.

This movie was twisted. I mean, literally. There were so many plot twists and red herrings that I began to question my initial guesses as to who the killer (or killers?) might be, even though the answer is made abundantly clear within the first 5 minutes or so. Though not very gory, it didn't need to be. The story itself was entertaining enough to keep me interested throughout the whole movie. It was very sexual, which is to be expected when dealing with a serial killer film. The relationships between the wife, the doctor, the cousin, and the maid were probably the most interesting part for me.

Grade: A-

P.S. I think the opening scenes may have inspired Tarantino for the bar scene in Death Proof? Tell me what you think!

Les lèvres rouges (1971), Harry Kümel
Daughters of Darkness

A couple goes to a remote hotel in Belgium to spend their honeymoon. Soon after their arrival two bizarre women, Countess Elisabet Bathory and her 'secretary,' Ilona, show up. As they are the only four patrons of the hotel, it is inevitable that their paths will cross. A string of murders occurs, and it seems as though the Countess and her special friend are to blame. Everything gets a bit fishy from there- no pun intended, really.

This film was recommended to me by one of my great friends. One of his favorite things in life are 1970's lesbian vampire movies. He even plans to get a Daughters of Darkness-inspired tattoo. I have to be honest though, I was very bored by this movie. It's somewhere between art house and grindhouse, I think it can't decide which. For a lesbian vampire movie, the lesbian elements were very, very tame compared to most films of that genre. You don't even technically see any two women kiss, so if you are looking for something graphic, this is not for you. The relationship between the Countess and her long-suffering lover is actually kind of sad.

However, some of the straight sex shown between the married couple is quite disturbing. There is something a little off about Stefan. He is VERY sadistic, possibly even abusive. Also, he has a rather strange aversion to calling his mother to tell her the news of his marriage. When we are finally shown his "mother," it's not actually a woman at all, but a very effeminate, flamboyant man. Possibly his lover? They may share a relationship much like that of the Countess and Ilona. I didn't quite get that part.

The Countess and Ilona work on separating the couple so that they can get rid of Stefan and convince Valerie to join their ranks. This works, however, Stefan ends up accidentally killing Ilona in the process. Once that happens, it's pretty much a done deal. Valerie joins the Countess in her quest for the blood of virgins to maintain eternal health and youthful appearance.

If you really like foreign films that are more arty than they're worth, I say go for it. Otherwise, skip it. This movie is pretty overrated. I just didn't think that the story, or the acting was all that good. (Ok, I take back the acting thing. The woman who played the Countess seemed as though she was born to play that part.) There are too many plotholes and too many unanswered questions. Perhaps my expectations were simply too high. If you are still interested, even after reading this review, then maybe you should check it out.

Grade: C-

Hell of the Living Dead (1980), Bruno Mattai

This movie was about zombies. And maybe cannibals? That's really all I've got. It managed to be a horrible ripoff of both Dawn of the Dead and Cannibal Holocaust at the same time, all while boring me to sleep. I am not exaggerating, this movie took me not one, not two, but THREE tries to get through the whole thing. This has never happened to me before.

And just to prove that no film is without merit, there were actually about three interesting parts in the whole thing. One being the child zombie who was repeatedly shot, but was apparently unphased, as his need to eat flesh was just that insatiable. I think he was the best actor in this entire movie. Two was the gratuitous segment which prominently featured the breasts of Ms. Margit Evelyn Newton. I'd recommend Googling that name. And third was the extremely brutal uppercut right to the brain at the end.

I would probably not recommend this movie to anyone. I fell into the trap of saying to myself, "It's an Italian zombie flick. There is no way this will be as bad as everyone says!" DO NOT do this. I like bad movies, and this is probably among the worst I have ever seen.

I can't even come up with a grade for this. Oh wait, here's one: W-O-O-F.

Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS (1975), Don Edmonds


This movie is about... hey wait, what was this movie about again? I'm sorry, I was distracted by all the nude people and gore. Wait, was there a plot? Um... I'm not really sure. I think it was basically just an hour and a half excuse to see a lot of gratuitous sex and violence. And people in Nazi costumes. Ilsa is a commander of some sort? or maybe a doctor? who does experiments and/or bones basically all of the prisoners of a concentration camp during WWII. Dyanne Thorne was around 40 when this film was made, but gravity was clearly kind to her.

Uhhhh... I really don't know what to say. I certainly do not recommend this movie to anyone. At all. It was just really not that good. What bunch of sick fucks made this such a popular cult film over the years? Thanks for all the boobs, Don Edmonds. I'd like my 96 minutes back now, if you don't mind. What a stinker.

Grade: C (For lots of gore and copious nudity, the two cornerstones of any good film.)

Frankenhooker (1990), Frank Henenlotter


Jeffery Franken loses his fiancee to an unfortunate lawn mowing incident. Coincidentally, he is a med school dropout/mad scientist type, prone to odd experiments with body parts and such! With the love of his life now in a million little pieces (a few of which he kept for posterity), he feels compelled to bring her back to life, no matter what. Being the smart guy that he is, he figures he can kill some hookers with little to no repercussion. He also figures that all hookers really love crack! So he uses his evil genius to create some SUPER CRACK. And by SUPER CRACK, I of course mean crack that causes spontaneous combustion upon ingestion. He must not know much about pimpin' though. It really is hard out there for a pimp, when all your hoes have exploded, thus forcing you into unemployment. Hell hath no fury like a clearly roided-out pimp scorned, my friends. I think you guys are smart enough to figure it out from here. But be sure not to fall asleep before the oh-so-shocking twist ending!

Given my immense love of Henenlotter's other films (The Basket Case trilogy, Brain Damage), you would think that I would have really enjoyed this movie. But no. Although I will say that there is about 10 minutes of this movie (towards the end) that I actually did LOL at. Watch out for cameos from Henenlotter regulars Beverly Bonner and Joseph Gonzalez. Or really, seeing as how this is the weakest film in his repertoire, skip this and watch Brain Damage for the 5 millionth time.

Best Line: "In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad. A salad that police are still trying to gather up. A salad that was once named... Elizabeth."

Grade: C

P.S. Mr. Henenlotter saved a lot of old exploitation roadshow reels, and sells copies (and writes hilarious reviews) of them for Something Weird. Check it out!

Videodrome (1983), David Cronenberg


James Woods plays Max Renn, a cable TV programmer on the hunt for something new and obscene to offer his viewers. He stumbles upon a particularly disturbing show, "Videodrome," and is immediately sucked in. One fateful night, he shows the program to his new girlfriend Nikki (who just happens to be one of the hottest babes ever, Ms. Deborah Harry), and it's pretty much all downhill for Max and Nikki from there. Hallucinations, conspiracies, murder, uncomfortable S&M sequences, weird chest vaginas, and the most disgusting looking videocassettes in the history of film... this movie truly has it all.

This is a movie that has been reviewed thousands of times, I see no need to do so. If you haven't already seen this, what are you waiting for? It's a classic. It's creepy. And it is particularly relevant in our reality TV-obsessed times. Long live the new flesh.

Best Line: "You'll forgive me if I don't stay around to watch. I just can't cope with the freaky stuff." -Barry Convex