Hell House (2001), George Ratliff

I'm sure you've all heard of a Hell House. "Haunted Houses" set up by Christian fanatics to show us heathens what will happen to us if we continue down our respective paths of sin. The Trinity Church's concept has spawned thousands of Hell Houses across the nation.

I can't speak for every Hell House, but this one was particularly wrought with contradiction. First of all, the idea of doing such a thing for profit in the first place seems very Un-Christian. It was made up of several rooms, each depicting a behavior that could potentially send you straight to Hell. That is, unless you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior. But I'll get to that later. The situations depicted in the Hell House were perfect examples of Christians' two biggest fears: female sexuality, and homosexuality. The teenage, unmarried girl who has sex, gets pregnant, and gets an abortion nearly gets sent to Hell. But what of the boy who got her pregnant? The blasphemous homosexual male contracts AIDS, refuses Christ, and gets sent directly to Hell.

Some of the scenes are just so mind blowingly inaccurate and out of touch, you can't help but giggle. Like the rave scene, created by people who have obviously never been to a rave. Or the occult scene, in which they accidentally(?) made a "pentagram" which was actually a Star of David. Women also don't usually bleed out and die from abortions. And blaming a girl for her childhood molestation at the hands of a relative? Yikes...

At the end of Hell House, you must make a decision. If you exit through one door, there are loads of people in there, ready and willing to "save" you. It's a full contact thing, complete with speaking in tongues. If you exit through the other door... well, sorry dudes, but you're going to Hell.

This film was fascinating. One scene in particular, where a group of teenage hellions approach Trinity's pastor (and he actually takes the time to answer all their questions), sticks in my mind. Both parties are shockingly respectful towards one another, and the outcome is actually pretty positive. Although, I admit, it is just a little bit tough to take a bunch of kids in Slipknot gear seriously. I definitely recommend it to any other atheists out there, but I think Christians will find it interesting too. If ever there was a question in your mind why people are turned off by Christianity, Hell House has more than enough answers for you.

Grade: A

Chicken Hawk: Men Who Love Boys (1994), Adi Sideman

Sorry guys, no picture for this one, because I don't want to Google Image Search it. I think you can understand. This is by far the most horrific film I have ever seen in my life. The night I watched it, I couldn't sleep, so I would recommend that you watch it mid-day. The truly terrifying thing is that there is no narration. The documentarians don't go out of their way to slant your view one way or the other. They just let the cameras roll, and I think the material truly speaks for itself.

All of the men interviewed are beyond delusional. Some even go as far as to say that they are not the pursuers, but rather, the pursuees. Some of them claim they are doing the children a favor, or helping adult homosexuals by "training" them young. They invite themselves to Gay Rights marches, much to the dismay of their fellow participants.

Another thing that really freaked me out- among the people interviewed were a few boys who had been unsuccessfully approached by one of the men featured in the film, as well as their parents' reactions. There was also a man featured who was a victim of sexual abuse as a child, who claims he "enjoyed it" and "was in control." Sure, pal. He said these experiences led him to be a boy-lover in his adulthood. Well ain't that just terrific? Congrats, asshole.

It also showed the "other side" of the story, in which the molesters are verbally abused and called out in public. Wah fucking wah. You prey on children. Get over it, creeps.

This was still a really good and fair portrayal. If my mind wasn't so made up that I HATE CHILD MOLESTERS, I may have gained some insight. I don't know whether or not to recommend this to anyone. If you like a good documentary, or you're interested in abnormal psych, then by all means- go for it.

Grade: ?

Frat House (1998), Andrew Gurland and Todd Phillips

This documentary was originally filmed with the intention for HBO's America Undercover. However, due to many factors, which you will understand when you view the film, it remains to be seen on TV and is quite hard to come by in VHS or DVD form. Gurland and Phillips attempt to observe what really happens during fraternity rush. After a while, the frat they are filming becomes uncooperative, and the two must figure out another way to finish the film. Their saving grace comes when a frat allows them to film their rush, but under a few conditions: the name of the college must never be mentioned, nor the name of the frat. Oh, and they also have to pledge along with the rest of the pledge class. Hazing ensues. Duh.

People might try to say that this movie is disturbing or whatever, but they're wrong. I wasn't disturbed. I'd say I was simply shocked at the lengths people will go to in order to avoid individuality. And maybe weeping for the future a bit, as these fucking assholes people are now about 10 years older than me. Now that I know about all the allegations of staging and scripting, it's kind of hard to see it in a good light retrospectively. It does have one of the most hilarious last lines ever put on film. But you need to watch the entire thing for it to be hilarious. It's short, just watch it.

Todd Phillips actually went on to direct several movies (such as Old School and Road Trip, and oddly enough, the GG Allin documentary Hated) which are considered canon for any frat boy these days. He tried to expose these ruffians, but ended up helping their cause. Isn't it ironic? Dude is probably so rich now. So really, who laughs last?

Grade: B-

Short Take:

The Bridge (2006), Eric Steel


The title of this film of course refers to the Golden Gate bridge in San Francisco, CA. Eric Steel, a first-time documentary filmmaker, was commissioned to do a piece on the Golden Gate. He actually ended up unintentionally capturing 23 of the 24 suicides that occurred there in 2004 on film. The friends and families of the deceased are interviewed, as well as a survivor. This film is very jarring, in more ways than one. Between seeing actual suicides and the issues in mental health care it brings up, this is one documentary you will never forget.

Grade: A+

Gates of Heaven (1978), Errol Morris

A documentary about, well... pet cemetaries. Well, to start anyways. It was also about pet owners and the intense connection they feel for their pets, the ups and downs of being a small business owner, working for a family-owned business, and the awful things that can happen to your little mew-mew when she dies (Rendering? Jesus Christ that's gross!).

I like the way the interviews were presented, without judgement. Morris leaves that up to the viewer. I can see this movie's influence particularly strongly in the films of Christopher Guest. I liked this movie, but I was also kind of bored. I think I should probably watch it again, preferably BEFORE I start downing a bunch of red wine. But before I do that, I'm probably going to check out other Morris films, most likely Fast, Cheap, and Out Of Control, to start.

Grade: B

Hype! (1996), Doug Pray

Hype! is a documentary about the grunge explosion and it's effect on the Seattle music scene. Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam, 7 Year Bitch, Tad, Kim Thayil of Soundgarden, Mark Arm of Mudhoney, Bruce Pavitt and Johnathan Poneman of Sup Pop Records, and Megan Jasper, the woman we have to thank for the phrase "swingin' on the flippity flop" are among those interviewed. Lots of great live footage is included, even the first ever live performance of "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Seeing as how this genre of music is kinda my thing, I feel a bit biased in my opinion of this movie. (It was great, duh!) I think that while bands like Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Nirvana would have been the main focus of a lesser documentary, this one is particularly special because it takes the focus off those bands, and places it where it belongs: the equally great but much less acknowledged bands like Seaweed, the Fastbacks, 7 Year Bitch, etc. My only complaint is that the Olympia scene wasn't discussed further. (Although my gripe was actually addressed by the 2005 Kerri Koch documentary, Don't Need You.) I definitely recommend this to anyone who loves flannel and cheap brews as much as I do.

Best Line: "I mean, you hear a song that's a great song; play it a million times, you never want to hear it again... 'If I hear that song one more time... if I see that guy's face one more time... I'm gonna fuckin find out his address and kill that motherfucker!' I don't blame 'em. I've said it myself. " -Eddie Vedder

Grade: B