Watchmen (2009), Zack Snyder

The most anticipated film adaptation of a comic of the past 25 years has finally arrived. The graphic novel, which just happens to be my favorite book of all time, has been deemed unfilmable even by Terry Gilliam's standards, not to mention caught up in litigation and Hollywood bullcrap pretty much since the book came out. Even this version of Watchmen was nearly doomed to never see the light of day at the last minute. Although this adaptation is sufficient, in my opinion, I can't help but wonder what it would have been like in the hands of Darren Aronofsky? If I were him, I'd have taken directing this over The Fountain any day. But I digress.

It's a good thing that this movie was not made before 2009, simply because the technology we have now makes it possible for Dr. Manhattan to look the way he should look, and for Archimedes to fly. And maybe because comics are now beginning to be seen as more than merely "kid's stuff."

The movie could not possibly have looked more like the book. Why use storyboards when the entire comic practically is a storyboard? You could pick out specific frames of the comic in some scenes, which is pretty much the most exciting thing ever for a nerd like myself. The costuming was pretty good. Rorschach's certainly stole the show, with his constantly morphing mask and an outfit to match his noirish demeanor. Too bad I hated his stupid Christian Bale voice. Dr. Manhattan was pretty much mind-blowing. He could not have looked more perfect. Jeffery Dean Morgan was shockingly good as The Comedian. Why do I only ever see him playing dead people? Malin Akerman was just awful- wooden, and most certainly nowhere near old enough. The music was a bit obvious, sure. But what do you want? Subtlety in a comic movie? Surely you jest. All things considered, I'd say Snyder did the best he could with a comic that NEVER should have been turned in to a movie. It was much more a superhero movie than the book was a superhero book. Snyder lost a lot of the Alan Moore's subtle social commentary in the translation from page to screen.

This is very much a fan's movie. That's not to say that the uninitiated won't enjoy it. In fact, my mom went with me to the midnight screening. She followed the story pretty well, and liked it enough to ask me if she could borrow the comic. But to get the full experience, it helps to be familiar with the book. I am super excited for the director's cut. I heard that it is possibly going to be released in theaters this summer? I can't really see non-fans lining up for that one, considering it will like be 4 hours long. This is not something that I'd want to see on a TV screen, so I'd like to see it a few more times before it goes out of theaters.

Låt den rätte komma in (2008), Tomas Alfredson
Let The Right One In



Oskar is a bright, but very meek, 12 year old. He is picked on mercilessly at school, and his home life is pretty disappointing as well. One day, a new kid named Eli moves into the apartment next to his. Although Eli is super mysterious and kinda funny smelling, Oskar feels an instant connection with her. Eli is very reluctant to form a friendship with Oskar, as she is not exactly what she appears to be. Although she looks like a 12 year old girl, Eli is actually a 200-year old vampire who used to be a boy named Elias- which means that Oskar has a life-changing choice to make.

I should probably explain a few things that will help you understand the film a bit more, as they are explained in the book but not fully acknowledged in the movie. Eli was castrated and turned into a vampire when he was a defenseless child during a satanic ritual. Eli is androgynous, and the love between Oskar and Eli is not of a sexual nature anyway. (I mean, they are only 12.) In the beginning of the film, Eli is shown as living with a man whom is clearly not her father. In the book, Håkan was a pedophile who had met Eli shortly before the story began. The relationship worked for both of them. He got to be close to a child, and the fact that she wasn't really a child helped his conscience. She got out of killing people herself, which is an emotionally harrowing experience for her, by simply making Håkan go out and collect it for her. I have read many people's complaints about not understanding these plot elements, so... you're welcome in advance.

I thought this movie was incredible. The story was just beautifully written; it will no doubt tug at your heartstrings. Anyone who has ever felt like an outsider will root for Oskar as he finds not only a kindred spirit, but the courage within himself to stand up for himself and take control of his life. This was both of the lead actors' first film, and I hope they both have long careers to look forward to after their surprisingly genuine work in LTROI. The atmosphere of the film was very dark, but not bleak in any way. It was actually rather positive and inspirational. I would even go as far as to say this is the greatest vampire movie I have ever seen in my life. Perhaps it's because it gives some dignity back to the, uh, noble(?) vampire. Vampires are a study in morality, and it's about time they started being portrayed as such.

There is supposedly an American remake slated for 2010. I cannot imagine how badly it will be butchered, so please, for the love of Henry Rollins, see the original! The remake is being directed by Matt Reeves, whose claim to fame as of now is Cloverfield. Blech. That probably means J.J. Abrams will be producing. I do love Mr. Abrams, so while I am interested, I think I'll pass. The idea of remaking a film before it is even a year old is absolutely preposterous. Why anyone would think they could improve upon the original is beyond me. Are we Americans honestly too lazy to read subtitles? Jesus.

Grade: A+

Frontière(s) (2007), Xavier Gens
Frontier(s)

Frontier(s) is one of the best horror films of last year, and you've probably never heard of it. It was taken off the schedule at last year's "8 Films to Die For" After Dark Horrorfest, due to it's NC-17 rating. The highest allowable rating for the After Dark Horrorfest is an R, which Frontier(s) apparently missed by a mile. It was released uncut in select U.S. theaters for one weekend only, then was released on DVD the following Tuesday. Now I wish I had heard of this film when it was out. I would have LOVED to see it in a theater.

Anyways, it's a French film, by a relatively young/new director, Xavier Gens. A group of five friends decide to take advantage of the riots consuming France's police force by stealing a bunch of cash. However, things go horribly awry, and they decide to split up for the moment. They are to meet up later at an undetermined location. Although being persued by police, two of the friends simply cannot go on, due to exhaustion (and copious amounts of marijuana). They stumble upon a hostel in the middle of nowhere, and decide to sleep there for the night. By the time their friends arrive to meet them, shit has indeed gotten real. They get much more than the bargained for when the family that owns the hostel turns out to be a bunch of demented, sadistic, cannibalistic Neo-Nazis, bent on creating their own Aryan race.

The lead female character is a total badass. She was a great actress, and I hope to see more of her work. That is one thing that I love about French horror films- they do not discriminate. Women are given just as strong, if not stronger, roles than their male counterparts in horror films. I wish America would follow suit. It seems as though any time they have, it comes off as more like they're compensating than being genuine. (Hostel 2, anyone?)

The overall tone and look of the film is extremely brutal. They definitely don't skimp on the blood and guts, although I'm not entirely convinced that it deserved to be slapped with an NC-17. (I'd love to chat more about my problems with the MPAA, but that's a whole 'nother entry.) I'm a big supporter of filmmakers who refuse to trim down their movie just to get an R rating. Never say die!

Grade: A

The Brothers Solomon (2008), Bob Odenkirk/ Baby Mama (2008), Michael McCullers




I decided to review these movies together, because they came out relatively around the same time, and their plots are quite reminiscent of each other. I think it's funny that Amy Poehler, star of Baby Mama, and Will Arnett, star of The Brothers Solomon are married, and were probably both working on these movies at the same time. Movies that are so similar. And both so bad.

Here goes: People need to have babies. Said people cannot have said babies themselves, so they seek out alternative options. They go through wacky situations only to find that surrogacy is their best option. They find surrogate. Surrogate is totally wacky and unpredictable!! They come to love surrogate. Something goes wrong with surrogate. Surrogate runs away. Surrogate must be found, as they are harboring a very expensive child. Surrogate is found, everyone finds out that you don't necessarily have to be related to be family. Now for cute baby time. The end!

If you think about it statistically, the vast majority of things that Bob Odenkirk, Will Arnett, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler are involved in are amazingly hilarious. So it would make sense that their films would be amazingly hilarious too, right? Yeah, not so much, apparently. I think Bob Odenkirk maybe needs to think about not doing movies anymore. And for the love of Rollins, do not let Will Forte write anything ever again in his life. He is a supremely unfunny person. And I cannot begin to express my level of disappointment in Fey and Poehler for taking part in something so... generic. They were both great, I just think maybe they needed money real bad or something.

Anyways, in conclusion, I guess what I am trying to say is that I would not recommend either one of these movies. That is not to say that they are bad movies. Just very average. I'm sure some of you will/do enjoy them, perhaps because your expectations were not as high as mine.

Grade: The Brothers Solomon: C-, Baby Mama: C+

The Strangers (2008), Bryan Bertino

A young couple, staying in a rural vacation house, are interrupted in the heat of the moment by a creepy girl asking for someone who isn't there. As the night wears on, strange noises and missing objects give way to a full-on home invasion.

Initially, I thought that this was a remake of the 2006 French film, Ils. The two movies have extremely similar plots. After doing some research, I found that The Strangers was actually written two years before Ils was even made. This little tidbit is interesting (to me at least), because I constantly find myself saying that American horror of the past decade is complete shit, and French horror is where it's at. So now I have hope again, because I really liked this movie.

Unlike most recent American horror films, The Strangers relies more on building suspense and tension than merely giving you "torture porn." It goes for jumps and screams instead of groans and threats of vomiting. I sincerely hope this film will inspire more American horror directors to knock it off with the Saws and the Hostels and the shitty remakes. I love gore as much as the next guy, but it's becoming trite and ineffective in the hands of American directors.

On the other hand, there are a lot of cliches in the film. But that is one of the reasons why I liked it- I looked at it as kind of a throwback to horror films of the 70s. I know I can often be elitist when it comes to horror films, and I know it's totally out of character for me to have liked this, but I did. I suggest you see it for yourself and tell me what you think. Bonus for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia fans: You miiiiiight wanna check the cast list. Just sayin'.

Grade: B

4 luni, 3 saptamâni si 2 zile (2007), Cristian Mungiu

4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days



Set in communist Romania in the late 80's, 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days is the story of two young college students, Gabita and Otilia, on a mission to obtain an abortion for Gabita. The problem is, abortion was illegal at that time, and the only way to get one was from a shady "doctor" in a shady hotel room. The illegality of the abortion also depends on how far along the pregnancy is. The title of the movie should tell you that this particular abortion is pretty fucking illegal, not to mention risky for Gabita. You would think that Gabita is the main character in the film, but Mungiu throws the viewer for a loop by making Otilia the protagonist. I seriously don't think anyone I know has a friend that is as loyal as Otilia. She really, really goes to the outer limits to help Gabita, who is nothing but a stupid, selfish girl. Otilia only gets a short "Thanks." in return for allowing herself to be sexually violated, ruining her relationship with her boyfriend, and breaking more than a few major laws... IN COMMUNIST ROMANIA.

"4,3,2" is very spare, and sparse. The colors are all a bit faded and gray. Everything seems oppressive, bleak, and hopeless. The characters wear plain clothes, no makeup. All we see is their performance, which only adds to the shocking realism. We are not given any information from before or after the events in the movie, the viewer is literally just thrown into 18 hours in the lives of these two girls and left to fend for themselves. Nearly every conversation in the film is tense and unsettling, but the questions we are left with after watching this film are more unsettling still. The most disturbing one being, what if Roe v. Wade were overturned? Back alley abortions, coat hangers, shady "doctors"... it could and would happen again. It's absolutely terrifying. In closing, you know how I know I've seen a really great movie? When it is 4 days later, and I still think I have never had as much contempt for a semi-fictional character than I have for Gabita.

Grade: A

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008), Peter Sollett

Nick is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend, Tris. He's one of those. Low self-esteem therefore hopefully in love with someone who treated him like crap for 6 months. He is an otherwise really cool dude. He is the only non-gay in a queercore band, tentatively named "The Jerk Offs," (although I thought "Fistful of Assholes" was a way cooler name.) He makes the best mix CDs in the whole world. And he is a super mega ultra cute and awkward.

Norah is supposed to be that cool "girl next door" or "totally platonic friend" that likes awesome stuff, is funny, smart, hot- once you get to know her, and constantly overlooked because dudes are too busy drooling over her mega-babe-but-really-vapid friends. One of those friends (frienemies?) just happens to be Tris. OH SNAP GURL! (Disclaimer: To be honest, I just don't really like Kat Dennings. I think she's annoying, although she wasn't so bad in this movie. But she did get to kiss Michael Cera a lot, and for that, I will never be able to like her, due to extreme jealousy.)

Anyhow, not knowing that Nick is Tris' ex, she asks him to be her boyfriend for 5 minutes. This leads to a fun filled night of fighting, making up, awkward run-ins with exes, talking about nerd stuff, and searching for a super secret after hours performance by their favorite band, "Where's Fluffy?" Betcha can't guess the ending!!!!

I like cheesy movies. This does not exclude cheesy teen movies. I like the High School Musical movies too. Whatever. I think this movie will develop an obsessive following of 15 year old girls, much like Juno, or really anything starring the love of my life. Anyways, this movie was just okay. I have seen worse. The infinite gum gag got old really quickly. Michael Cera playing an awkward teen is starting to get old. There was a pretty great cameo from Andy Samberg, which I am going to be nice and not ruin. Some of the music discussions were so far off base and clueless, it made me LOL. I recognized a lot of the places shown/talked about, so that was cool. But when they kept saying "Brooklyn Pool," I kept thinking they were talking about McCarren Pool. They weren't. :(

Best Line: "If anyone is gonna get raped in that van, it will be a guy."

Grade: B

PS: This post is dedicated to my mom. To prove that I actually do watch movies that were made after 1989, not featuring gore of any sort.