Saturday, October 11, 2008

Vampyres (1974), José Ramón Larraz

^That is a gaping wound in a man's arm. Just saying.

Two voluptuous ladies are shot to death during a girl-on-girl tryst. Inexplicably, they return as "vampyres." Or was that actually the end of the story? It's hard to say. Anyways, they live in a gigantic mansion and stalk nearby roads, posing as hitchhikers. Why, you ask? To pick up stupid, ugly men so they can drink their blood! Duh, silly!

One day the top in the relationship, Fran, stumbles upon a particularly horrendous victim. It doesn't matter what Fran does, the asshole just keeps coming around. Every night she gets him drunk, and every night he wakes up feeling like he got hit by a train, with a large slash on his forearm. He actually does go for help at one point, but just goes right back for more. What a stupid dumb-dumb this guy is. I really can't stress it enough. Also, he would probably be really pissed if he knew that while he was passed out at night, there were hot chicks banging right next to him in bed! Man, this guy really sucks and is by far the most annoying part of the movie. I just can't say it enough. The girls go about their daily business of finding idiot men to feast on, and the dude just sits there in Fran's bed while they do it. Get a job!

I should mention that the butch from Prey was in this! She and her husband apparently thought that right outside of a creepy castle would be a rad place to camp. After seeing some heinous gore, she begins to suspect that whomever is inhabiting this house is up to something odd. She nosily stalks the outside of the house, hoping for clues. I think she might be a fucking idiot as well. Perhaps all the people that go in and never come out might be a clue? Sayin'. Anyways, the vamps are sick of her and her meddling husband, and they dispose of them as well. And that's really about it.

I guess it was an okay movie, but sorry guys, lesbians do not make up for a shitty story. Although, this was definitely more watchable than Daughters of Darkness. I don't think I'm goth enough for this genre, so I think I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Grade: B-

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

En revista portuguesa de 1975 se calificaba a Marianne Morris de The Jane Russell of Tomorrow