Altered States (1980), Ken Russell


Eddie Jessup, a Harvard professor, has been conducting experiments to prove his theory that schizophrenics are not "crazy," their minds merely process in a different level of consciousness which non-schizos will never know. He utilizes sensory deprivation tanks, and hallucinogenic drugs to carry out his experiments. He becomes so engrossed in his research that he begins to test himself. He hears of a drug used by a tribe in Mexico, which they claim can take them back to not only their own first memory, but the first memory of the first man. They allow him to join in on their ritual, and he has the strangest hallucinations he has ever experienced. He convinces them to allow him to return to America with a good amount of the substance, and continues to experiment on himself. He ingests so much of the drug that he actually begins to genetically devolve.

Would you believe this idiot has a hot wife and two adorable little girls (one of which just happens to be Drew Barrymore)? Well he does, and therein lies the other problem. He basically abandons his family because the experiment takes over his life. Love no longer matters to him, only the pursuit of knowledge. He also calls himself an atheist, so there is a lot of really awesome, really blasphemous imagery in his hallucinations. However, I think he wants to believe in God, but God has given him nothing to believe in, and his faith or rejection of it has been a major lifelong struggle for him. In the end, he discovers the "ultimate truth," the meaning of life. I won't share it with you, but it is a damn powerful ending.

This was a really weird movie. It was written by Paddy Chayefsky, the same gentleman that wrote the media-skewering classic, Network. However, finding someone to direct it was nearly impossible. Ken Russell was actually the 27th director approached about the project. While in production, Chayefsky was so displeased with the way things had turned out that he removed his name from the project before the film was even finished. Ken Russell is kind of a weird choice, because he is most known for his work in softcore pornography, and campfests like Tommy and The Devils. I must say, I was rather impressed by the hallucination sequences. I think I got high just from watching this film. I also love the fact that William Hurt's film career started with this movie.

I would recommend this to lovers of campy science fiction or drug movies. It's definitely not for everyone.

Best Line: "I'm a man in search of his true self. How archetypically American can you get? We're all trying to fulfill ourselves, understand ourselves, get in touch with ourselves, face the reality of ourselves, explore ourselves, expand ourselves. Ever since we dispensed with God we've got nothing but ourselves to explain this meaningless horror of life."

Grade: B+

Hellraiser (1987), Clive Barker

This is maybe my favorite horror film of all time. Since it was shown as a double feature at the same bar as Nightbreed, and Jon has never seen it before, I decided it was allowed to be on the list.

Frank Cotton is a huge perv. You would think that boning his brother's wife six ways to Sunday would be taking it to the limit enough for him, but no. He goes in search of the Lament Configuration, basically a Pandora's Box of both pleasure and pain, delivered straight to your door by four hideous S&M creatures direct from hell. I don't suppose Frank counted on going right back to hell with them, but I'd say he deserved it.

Frank's brother (Larry) and his tramp of a wife (Julia) move back into what I believe we are to surmise is their former home. After they left (or abandoned it?), Frank apparently used it as his own personal den of sin, and hence, this is where he met his fate. As the couple is moving in, Larry has a very minor accident. But this small amount of bloodshed is all it takes to bring Frank back from hell. But really, it only brings him halfway back. In order to bring himself back fully, so that he can get back to sexin' Julia. He enlists her in his quest for more blood, and since she seems to have nothing better to do, she obliges.

All the while, Larry's pesky daughter (Kirsty), who is maybe the only person in this film that is not a complete dumbass, discovers creepy Uncle Frank and the little magic box. She figures out the Lament Configuration herself, and the Cenobites return. Since Kirsty isn't really into the whole S&M thing, she sells out her uncle in exchange for her own freedom. The Cenobites battle it out with Uncle Franky, with deliciously gory results.

If you haven't seen this, I don't know what to tell you, other than you are missing out on one of the greatest horror films of all time. If not the greatest, depending on what you're into.

Best Line: "JE-SUS..... WEP-T."

Grade: A+

Nightbreed (1990), Clive Barker

This is probably the only movie I've ever seen where monsters are good guys, and humans are bad guys. Said monsters reside beneath a graveyard, in the city of Midian. They never venture outside of Midian, and therefore, go on about their existence causing no harm or annoyance to the inhabitants of the surrounding town. But alas, the mere fact that the "naturals" know that they are there is enough. David Cronenberg plays a psychiatrist bent on eradicating the monsters, at any cost. However, it seems that he himself desires to be a monster but was not allowed? And therein lies the reason for revenge. Or not? It's kind of a hard movie to explain.

A lot of people say this is an allegory of being gay. There are a few lines that really, really stick out when you watch the movie with this in mind. But I guess you could say that most of Barker's work is a metaphor of the many facets of being a gay male in a hetero-dominated world. So essentially, he is simply writing what he knows.

I watched this last night at a bar, on a projector. I wish I was rich, I would buy myself a projector, because that's the way movies should be watched. Anyways, I think I may have been the only person there who actually enjoyed this film. Most people found it to be boring and cheesy. If only the Director's Cut were available! The studio cut out about 25 minutes of Barker's original film, attempting to make it more marketable as a slasher movie of sorts. All they really did was cut out things that were pretty integral to making it an interesting story and added in things that left it open for sequels. Sequels that never even happened. Thanks a lot, Hollywood!

David Cronenberg was perfect in this movie, with those steely eyes and those weird ass glasses. And his hair! My god, that man has a head of hair that even I am jealous of. Craig Sheffer seems like he's probably a douche. The dude who played the sheriff? Clearly more stoked on being in a movie than learning to act. The only boobs in this are monster boobs, so sorry pervs. Regardless, it is a pretty cool movie. A must-see for Barker fans. Keep your fingers crossed for that Director's Cut, dudes!

Grade: B

Blow Out (1981), Brian De Palma


John Travolta plays a soundman working for a cheesy B-movie director in this update of Antonioni's Blowup. Tired of hearing the same old sound effects, the director demands that he go out and record some new ones. Trying to capture night sounds late one evening, he unintentionally records a murder. The plot gets pretty Kennedy-esque from here on out, and Travolta quickly finds himself in the middle of a political conspiracy.

I would consider this to be Travolta's last good role until Quentin Tarantino revived his career in 1994, by giving him the part of Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction. (Can you name one genuinely good thing he's done since then? I can't.) Blow Up is actually one of Tarantino's top three favorite movies (Rio Bravo and Taxi Driver are the other two), so naturally I felt that I had to watch it. But I digress. John Travolta is awesome in this movie. Nancy Allen was actually pretty annoying. I realize that was the point, but I think she overdid it. And John Lithgow's part could have been so much more evil! If you're looking for a Hollywood ending, I would suggest looking elsewhere, because this shit's bleak.

Grade: B+

They Live (1988), John Carpenter


John Carpenter is a genius. I mean, the dude cast "Rowdy" Roddy Piper in a parable about consumer culture. I find this movie fascinating because on the surface, it seems like just another cheesy B-movie. But it's actually a pretty clever social statement. Rowdy Roddy plays a nameless drifter who comes to a nameless city looking for work and a patch of dirt to sleep on. He notices some strange happenings at a nearby church, and decides that snooping around in there is an awesome idea. It actually is, because he ends up stumbling upon the raddest sunglasses in movie history. They allow him to see the world for what it really is- full of subliminal messages intended to manipulate the middle class into consuming every product in sight, obeying authority, reproducing, etc. and aliens disguised as upper crust snobs. The always excellent character actor Keith David plays his reluctant sidekick. The two of them have a bizarre 5 1/2 minute long fight scene that will be parodied to death till the end of time. Eventually the aliens figure out that normal people can see them, and start laying the smack down on middle class losers. The ending is not what you'd expect. It comes totally out of left field. If I say anything more, I'd be giving too much away.

Best Line: "You... you look like your face fell in the cheese dip back in 1957." -Nada

Grade: A

Network (1976), Sidney Lumet

Howard Beale, a network newsanchor, is given his two weeks notice due to poor ratings. This, combined with a number of other unfortunate events in his life, lead him to announce his decision to kill himself live on TV on the night of his final broadcast. Instead of getting Beale the help he so obviously desparately needs, his job is reinstated and his prophetic ramblings are exploited to gain viewers for the dying network. Predictably, it works, and Beale becomes an overnight sensation. But what goes up must come down, and such success has a lofty price.

Lumet and writer Paddy Chayefsky called Network a "reflection" of American media. Although it comes off as a satire to some, they were merely presenting the harsh truth behind what we see on the 6:00 news. This film is as relevant now as it ever was. Especially considering the reality TV explosion of the past decade, Network still rings all too true. What shocked me most of all was the things that the news was covering back then (recession, high oil prices, Russia, unemployment, etc.) are the same things we hear about constantly now. 32 years later, it's still the same old shit.

This is probably one of the best movies I have ever seen in my life. I never thought I would like a movie consisting mostly of a bunch of old white guys so much! The acting is so powerful, and the monologues in this movie are so moving, I had a lump in my throat during a few scenes. I seriously can't believe it took me 23 years to watch this movie, especially since it's on cable all the time!

(I'm not even going to bother with a "Best Line" for this movie. I would have to copy and paste the whole goddamn script. )

Grade: A+

Casual Fridays (2002?), TV CARNAGE



Oh how I love video mixtapes. Crazy Dave Tape 2 was my personal favorite... buuuut this one is just as good, in a different way. CDT2 is super fast-paced, but Casual Fridays lets things linger more and allows for the viewer to laugh at things that are worth more than just a passing glance. And never will I ever get the monstrosity above out of my head.

Grade: A+

À l'intérieur (2007), Alexandre Bustillo/Julien Maury
Inside



A pregnant woman and her husband are involved in a car crash. The husband dies. His wife and unborn child survive. She becomes more and more depressed each day, as one obviously would due to losing the love of their life to such circumstances, and thus she is pretty much a complete asshole to everyone close to her. The night before Christmas, Sarah prepares to give birth bright and early the next day. All is well and normal, until she gets a seemingly random (and shit-in-pants inducing) visit from a mysterious woman.

This movie is fucking TERRIFYING! Seriously! I thought maybe it was just because I myself possess a uterus, and therefore can identify. But no! I have seen this twice, both times I was the only female present, and was most definitely NOT the only person on the brink of urinating all over myself. Sure, there are some things that don't add up. But my personal opinion is that the unexplainable adds to the cringe factor. The type of horror movies that scare me most are ones involving home intrusions (If you can recommend me some, that would be rad. Thanks in advance.), so needless to say... shit, meet pants.

Grade: A+


P.S. La Femme looked pretty familiar to me, so I IMDb'ed her, and she was totally the blind lady in Jarmusch's Night on Earth! Weird, huh?

Schramm (1993), Jorg Buttgereit


A fairly arty film, as Buttgereit's films usually are, about a serial killer's life flashing before his eyes as he lays dying. It is never clearly explained why he kills, or motives behind who he kills. He is referred to as 'The Lipstick Killer,' and has a portrait of a rather motherly looking woman hanging up in his apartment. There is a very demented-looking hairy, greasy, rotten toothed vagina monster that continually pops up. I suppose the viewer is to assume it's an Oedipal thing. It's all very mysterious and senseless. It made me very nervous about going over to friends' places by myself. People are creeps.

Jorg-Butt, as my friends and I so lovingly refer to him, is one weird ass dude. He's just all over the place. One minute he's making an art film, the next he's aiming for another spot on the Disturbo 13. That said, he did make Gazorra, which is my favorite short film of all time, so all his sins are perpetually forgiven n my eyes. This movie was actually much, much less gory than I had expected, or maybe I am just so desensitized that it didn't seem like a big deal, which is actually really sad. He was definitely going for something a little more cerebral than your average serial slasher film with this one. If you're going to watch this, make sure the subs are clear and visible. On the copy I watched, they were very small and more often than not, terribly difficult to read.

Grade: B-

Gates of Heaven (1978), Errol Morris

A documentary about, well... pet cemetaries. Well, to start anyways. It was also about pet owners and the intense connection they feel for their pets, the ups and downs of being a small business owner, working for a family-owned business, and the awful things that can happen to your little mew-mew when she dies (Rendering? Jesus Christ that's gross!).

I like the way the interviews were presented, without judgement. Morris leaves that up to the viewer. I can see this movie's influence particularly strongly in the films of Christopher Guest. I liked this movie, but I was also kind of bored. I think I should probably watch it again, preferably BEFORE I start downing a bunch of red wine. But before I do that, I'm probably going to check out other Morris films, most likely Fast, Cheap, and Out Of Control, to start.

Grade: B

Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS (1975), Don Edmonds


This movie is about... hey wait, what was this movie about again? I'm sorry, I was distracted by all the nude people and gore. Wait, was there a plot? Um... I'm not really sure. I think it was basically just an hour and a half excuse to see a lot of gratuitous sex and violence. And people in Nazi costumes. Ilsa is a commander of some sort? or maybe a doctor? who does experiments and/or bones basically all of the prisoners of a concentration camp during WWII. Dyanne Thorne was around 40 when this film was made, but gravity was clearly kind to her.

Uhhhh... I really don't know what to say. I certainly do not recommend this movie to anyone. At all. It was just really not that good. What bunch of sick fucks made this such a popular cult film over the years? Thanks for all the boobs, Don Edmonds. I'd like my 96 minutes back now, if you don't mind. What a stinker.

Grade: C (For lots of gore and copious nudity, the two cornerstones of any good film.)

Bottle Rocket (1996), Wes Anderson

Three doofuses, with nothing better to do, plan out overly elaborate ways to pull off small time robberies. Along the way, the most attractive of the three gets to bone a hot Latina. Sweet.

I really hate Wes Anderson. (With one exception- I really like Rushmore.) I guess this movie wasn't that bad. Although I don't really see what all the hype is about. I guess it was cute, or whatever. And I did laugh sometimes. Luke Wilson is kind of a babe, but his hair was too 90s in this movie. Am I missing something? Why am I the only person I know that is not into Wes Anderson? In a battle of "Directors With The Surname of Anderson," Paul Thomas would totally kick the shit out of this dork. I mean, his dad is motherfucking Ghoulardi! Stay sick, knifs.

Best Line: "On the run from Johnny Law. Ain't no trip to Cleveland." -Dignan

Grade: B-

Ladies and Gentleman, The Fabulous Stains (1981), Lou Adler

A young Diane Lane and an even younger Laura Dern (15! and 13!, respectively, at the time this was filmed) play young ladies desperate to get out out their quickly dying town. In some rather contrived fashion, the girls end up opening for two semi-known bands on a tour throughout PA. (It's important to mention that these two bands contain actual members of The Clash, Sex Pistols, and The Tubes. How fun!) With much help from an oddly enthusiastic local news reporter, they rise almost as quickly as they fall. A pretty important lesson in the inevitable downfalls of greed, and never forgetting your roots.

Sorry, Netflix, but you're probably never getting this one back. I watched it like, three times in two days this week. I was so impressed with Diane Lane in this movie! For only being 15, she gave one hell of a performance. Laura Dern was just kinda there. Her performance was in no way indicative of the excellent work she would be doing just a few years later. Certainly an inspiration to the riot grrl explosion that would happen a few years later, I think the movie had a lot of interesting things to say about women and the very human tendency to conform. I really hated the obviously tacked on ending. I would have done just fine with the intended bleak ending. Anyways, I need to start working on my Third Degree Burns Halloween costume immediately! Who wants to be Dee Pleeted? Or Dizzy Heights?

Best Line: "Every girl should be given an electric guitar on her 16th birthday." -Corinne Burns

Grade: A- (For the shitty ending.)

Wait Until Dark (1967), Terence Young


The timelessly adorable Audrey Hepburn plays Suzy, a recently blinded woman menaced by three really, really bad dudes in search of a heroin-filled doll which they believe to be located in her apartment. I am skipping over important plot points here, but that's because I want you to watch this movie! And when you do watch it, I implore you to watch it in the dark, as the title suggests.

The acting in this movie is phenomenal. I really hated the shit out of Alan Arkin's character, which was the point. He was a brave man in taking this role. I mean of course, who would not hate someone so gosh-darn mean to sweet little Audrey Hepburn?! For a movie with so little gore, it genuinely had my palms sweating towards the end. This movie is often named as one of the scariest movies of all time. Before seeing it, I scoffed at the notion. But seriously, this one is a nail biter. I've read that when the movie was in theaters, all the lights were turned out one by one during the last twelve minutes. I probably would have pooped myself, had I seen it in that setting!

Best Line: "They should make heroin look like something else. Candy bars maybe." -Lisa

Grade: A+

Frankenhooker (1990), Frank Henenlotter


Jeffery Franken loses his fiancee to an unfortunate lawn mowing incident. Coincidentally, he is a med school dropout/mad scientist type, prone to odd experiments with body parts and such! With the love of his life now in a million little pieces (a few of which he kept for posterity), he feels compelled to bring her back to life, no matter what. Being the smart guy that he is, he figures he can kill some hookers with little to no repercussion. He also figures that all hookers really love crack! So he uses his evil genius to create some SUPER CRACK. And by SUPER CRACK, I of course mean crack that causes spontaneous combustion upon ingestion. He must not know much about pimpin' though. It really is hard out there for a pimp, when all your hoes have exploded, thus forcing you into unemployment. Hell hath no fury like a clearly roided-out pimp scorned, my friends. I think you guys are smart enough to figure it out from here. But be sure not to fall asleep before the oh-so-shocking twist ending!

Given my immense love of Henenlotter's other films (The Basket Case trilogy, Brain Damage), you would think that I would have really enjoyed this movie. But no. Although I will say that there is about 10 minutes of this movie (towards the end) that I actually did LOL at. Watch out for cameos from Henenlotter regulars Beverly Bonner and Joseph Gonzalez. Or really, seeing as how this is the weakest film in his repertoire, skip this and watch Brain Damage for the 5 millionth time.

Best Line: "In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad. A salad that police are still trying to gather up. A salad that was once named... Elizabeth."

Grade: C

P.S. Mr. Henenlotter saved a lot of old exploitation roadshow reels, and sells copies (and writes hilarious reviews) of them for Something Weird. Check it out!

Matinee/MANT! (1993), Joe Dante


Matinee is a loving homage to all the cheesy sci-fi matinees I imagine director Joe Dante (and really, one would assume most of the adult actors in the film as well) attended as a child. The story centers around two boys who get moved around from Army base to Army base each year, before they ever really have a chance to make friends. They seek comfort at the local theater, where they can lose themselves in the fantasy worlds shown each weekend afternoon. John Goodman plays Lawrence Woolsey, a character that will seem awfully familiar to William Castle fans. Woolsey's gimmicks finally go awry during a screening of his new movie, MANT! Let the hilarity and heart-warming ensue.

Gee whiz! This movie is just one more reminder that I was born about 30 years too late! I am seriously SO jealous of anyone who ever got to experience a movie in this way in the 50s/60s. I feel like we as moviegoers today are really missing out. All I need is a flux capacitor, a Doc Brown, and a DeLorian that can go at least 88 MPH...

Best Line: "You think grownups have it all figured out? That's just a hustle, kid. Grownups are making it up as they go along, just like you. You remember that, and you'll do fine. " -Lawrence Woolsey

Grade: A

Un Chien Andalou (1929), Luis Bunuel


Clocking in at only 16 minutes, Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali created one of the (if not THE) most influential films in the history of underground cinema. I apologize for the lack of plot summary, as there really is no plot. This film consists of a series of surreal events, simultaneously grotesque and provocative, told in a dream-like manner. Although the film was released in 1929, I still find it rather shocking, even by today's/my standards. I mean seriously, try not to cringe at a woman's eyeball (Duh, it was a cow's eye. I know. Still pretty awful.) being sliced for no apparent reason, or ants crawling out of a hole in a man's hand. Endlessly referenced and ripped off by lots of my favorite directors, this is a must-see (or a good starting point) for those interested in the history of cinema.

Grade: A+

Santa Sangre (1989), Alejandro Jodorowsky


Before I officially start this review, I just have to say... THIS. MOVIE. IS. FUCKING. AWESOME.

This is probably Jodorowsky's most "accessible" film. I feel really weird saying that, because none of his films are really "accessible." But, if you are reading this blog, you are probably not the average viewer, so yes, it will be the most accessible for you. Santa Sangre is about a family of circus performers. The mother and father have a very impassioned and intense relationship. It is hard to tell whether they love their son, or if they just use him as a sort of pawn in their selfish mind games. The subplot is the boy falling in love with a super cute deaf/mute mime in the circus. Their love is very pure and unselfish, and it serves as a sharp contrast to the twisted love triangle of their parents. When the boy's mother finds her husband cheating on her, a series of rather graphic and gruesome events leads the boy to spend half of his life in some sort of group home/mental institution situation. Randomly, the mother encourages the boy to break out and join her on the outside. From here, it becomes a mix between a fairy tale, a bad trip, and a case study Freud could only dream of.

The visuals in this movie are just what you would expect from Jodorowsky: vibrant, surreal, beautiful, and full of symbolism. Aestheticization of violence? Of course! Compared to say, El Topo or The Holy Mountain, the plot is actually kind of linear! If you don't have a lump in your throat at the end of this movie, you're a total jerk.

Have fun trying to find a copy, because I'm pretty sure it has yet to be released on DVD in the States. I've seen bootlegs around, but make sure you're getting the NC-17 version. Or really? Just download it. Piracy rules! (Am I allowed to say that? I mean... uhh... Buy it when it does inevitably get released in a format available for purchase with real Amurrican money!)

Grade: A

Dans Ma Peau (2002), Marina De Van
In My Skin

Esther badly injures her leg at a party. Astonished by how painless it was, and the way her leg looks now that it has been altered from it's former perfect state, she begins to explore her body further through self-mutilation, cannibalism, and so forth. She continues down her path of self-destruction, much to the dismay of her boyfriend, her friends, and her co-workers, who cannot understand her new obsession.

I watched this movie for the wrong reasons. In the States, it is often mislabeled as a gory horror movie. I watched it because I'm a big fan of the horror movies coming out of France in the past few years. What I got was something much more. In My Skin is a deeply personal film, written, directed, and starring Marina De Van. We Americans are so used to having things spoonfed to us that we get disappointed when a movie actually makes us think. Unfortunately, I must admit that is how I reacted to this film at first. There are so many ways that this film can be interpreted, and the only person who truly has the answers is Ms. De Van herself.

A lot of people see this as some sort of feminist statement, but I really think it has very little to do with that. My personal feeling is that Esther is unable to truly connect with others, and possibly losing her sense of self. Possible mental illness (?) in addition to her feeling of disconnection from herself and others is what draws her to explore her... insides.

The scenes of her self-mutilation are highly eroticized, in the sense that they are filmed in the same way one would film a sex scene. I would even go as far as to compare her compulsive behavior with an illicit affair. It starts off small, then develops into a obsession that is selfish and disregards those who implore one to cease their destructive behavior. I find this aspect of this film the most fascinating.

I would recommend this film to those who enjoy contemporary French films; Cronenberg fans that wonder what his movies would be like if he were a French woman in her 30s; or total pervs that want to see full frontal AT ANY COST. In My Skin is very open to interpretation, and I would be interested to hear what others got out of this film.

Grade: B+

Harold and Maude (1971), Hal Ashby

Harold is a self-absorbed, death-obsessed, extremely wealthy young man. With no friends or ladyfriends to speak of, he spends his free time driving around in an old hearse to various funerals, and faking suicides in front of his cold-as-ice mother. He begins to notice another funeral crasher, Maude, and the two gradually develop a pretty adorable partnership in crime.

This is one of the only "romantic comedies" I have ever enjoyed in my life. It's clever, hilarious, and timeless. It would be a good date movie, assuming you are dating someone really cool with a good sense of humor. In other words, I would use this as my own personal litmus test.

Grade: A+

Hard Eight (1996), P.T. Anderson

Paul Thomas Anderson's first film. It's sort of a gambling movie, sort of a father/son movie, sort of a P.T. Anderson movie. After doing a little reading on this, I found out that the reason why it seems so derivative is because Anderson had barely any input on this film (right down to the title, which was originally supposed to be Sydney). Hard Eight revolves around an old-timey Rat Pack kinda guy (Phillip Baker Hall), a new jack (played to naive perfection by a young Dr. Steve Brule), a hooker (Gwyneth Paltrow, of all people), and Samuel L. Jackson basically reprising his role as Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction.

I watched this movie without knowing what it was about at all, and I was pleasantly surprised. I feel as though Anderson's movies all have that similar "dark" look to them, and this is no exception. Had I seen this movie in 1996, I would have probably thought that it was indicative of Anderson's potential as a director. Seeing this now, after seeing all of his other films, I see it as a stepping stone on his way to becoming a great filmmaker.

Best Line: "I will fuck you up if you fuck with me, ok? I know three kinds of Karate: Jujitsu, Aikido... and regular Karate." - John Finnegan

Grade: B+

Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (1987), Sam Raimi

Maybe I should be exempt from reviewing any zombie movies watched during this challenge? Seriously, words cannot express my love for Bruce Campbell, especially as Ash. This is more than your standard horror-comedy fare. This film is clever, intelligent, and the makeup and special effects are hilarious (by 2008 standards). If you have never seen this movie, it's your loss dude.

Machine Girl (2008), Noboru Iguchi

Yet another Japanese female revenge film. Ami, the "Machine Girl" in question, attempts to avenge her little brother's death, losing half an arm to an unfortunate tree fungus incident in the process. I am lying (a little), but yadda yadda yadda, she becomes equipped with a machine gun arm and kills half of Japan in the process. Cool.

This movie was pretty dreadful in the way of writing/acting. Watching it dubbed rather than subtitled is the way to go, I assure you. However, in terms of gore and hilarity (sometimes intentional, sometimes not), it was gold star sticker-worthy. There were some parts that could be interpreted as homages to Evil Dead II and Riki-Oh. I guess. The amount of CGI in this movie is pretty ridiculous. I feel like the whole movie was just done in front of a green screen. So basically what I'm saying is that there is A LOT OF GRATUITOUS GORE in this film. I would recommend this to anyone looking for a one night stand, because I wouldn't really call The Machine Girl relationship material.

Grade: B- (But only because there was so much goddamn fake blood!)

eXistenZ (1999), David Cronenberg.

Cronenberg's obsession with grotesque imagery and objects shaped like deformed genitalia continues. My boyfriend thinks that this should be watched after Videodrome, as a companion piece. I think he's right. There are a lot of similarities between the two movies, it seems as though eXistenZ is almost sort of an update of Videodrome. Instead of television getting in your head, now it's video games. The lines of reality, technology, and fantasy are blurred again in much the same way.

There are a few cheesy moments, but now I realize that those moments are a very important tool in this movie. They are Cronenberg's way of letting the audience know that they're witnessing life in the game, as opposed to in "reality." I really think that the story as a whole is not that unbelievable. I think we will see a game like this in our lifetime. He has a lot to say about free will and its questionable existence. Maybe even our own questionable existence. And as always, even the simplest of things is made overtly sexual. (Maybe sensual is a more appropriate word?)

A lot of people think that Jude Law was miscast in this part. I disagree! I think he is at his best in sci-fi/suspense movies, as opposed to rom-coms. (Seriously, Alfie is an atrocity.) His boyish looks coupled with the fact that he was relatively inexperienced at the time, compared to his co-star (Jennifer Jason Leigh), gave him a sort of naivete that made his role all the more convincing. I also noticed that, although the viewer is to assume this movie took place in the future, there was a serious lack of the cliche futuristic elements usually used in such a movie, further adding to the sense of realism. It's definitely a movie that begs repeat viewing. After this crazy challenge is over, I'm probably going to revisit this.

Best Line: "I'm feeling a little disconnected from my real life. I'm kinda losing touch with the texture of it. You know what I mean? I actually think there is an element of psychosis involved here. " -Ted Pikul

Grade: B+

Hype! (1996), Doug Pray

Hype! is a documentary about the grunge explosion and it's effect on the Seattle music scene. Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam, 7 Year Bitch, Tad, Kim Thayil of Soundgarden, Mark Arm of Mudhoney, Bruce Pavitt and Johnathan Poneman of Sup Pop Records, and Megan Jasper, the woman we have to thank for the phrase "swingin' on the flippity flop" are among those interviewed. Lots of great live footage is included, even the first ever live performance of "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Seeing as how this genre of music is kinda my thing, I feel a bit biased in my opinion of this movie. (It was great, duh!) I think that while bands like Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Nirvana would have been the main focus of a lesser documentary, this one is particularly special because it takes the focus off those bands, and places it where it belongs: the equally great but much less acknowledged bands like Seaweed, the Fastbacks, 7 Year Bitch, etc. My only complaint is that the Olympia scene wasn't discussed further. (Although my gripe was actually addressed by the 2005 Kerri Koch documentary, Don't Need You.) I definitely recommend this to anyone who loves flannel and cheap brews as much as I do.

Best Line: "I mean, you hear a song that's a great song; play it a million times, you never want to hear it again... 'If I hear that song one more time... if I see that guy's face one more time... I'm gonna fuckin find out his address and kill that motherfucker!' I don't blame 'em. I've said it myself. " -Eddie Vedder

Grade: B

Videodrome (1983), David Cronenberg


James Woods plays Max Renn, a cable TV programmer on the hunt for something new and obscene to offer his viewers. He stumbles upon a particularly disturbing show, "Videodrome," and is immediately sucked in. One fateful night, he shows the program to his new girlfriend Nikki (who just happens to be one of the hottest babes ever, Ms. Deborah Harry), and it's pretty much all downhill for Max and Nikki from there. Hallucinations, conspiracies, murder, uncomfortable S&M sequences, weird chest vaginas, and the most disgusting looking videocassettes in the history of film... this movie truly has it all.

This is a movie that has been reviewed thousands of times, I see no need to do so. If you haven't already seen this, what are you waiting for? It's a classic. It's creepy. And it is particularly relevant in our reality TV-obsessed times. Long live the new flesh.

Best Line: "You'll forgive me if I don't stay around to watch. I just can't cope with the freaky stuff." -Barry Convex

Dead Alive (1992), Peter Jackson


Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy's mom eats girl's dog. A classic love story, indeed.

I had the great fortune of being able to finally see this movie in a real theater. I had always felt that a small screen at home did this film no justice. This is a movie meant to be seen at the theater, around people, as close as you can get to the screen without breaking your neck.

The scene involving Lionel and the lawnmower is the best scene in zombie movie history. Everything after that is far too silly for my taste, I really wish Jackson would have just ended it there. Beyond that, I'm not even going to bother reviewing this.

Grade: A+

Best Line: "Stand back boy, this calls for divine intervention. I kick ass for the Lord!" -Father McGruder

Sedmikrasky (1966), Vera Chytilova
Daisies

Two cute girls, in cute clothes, doing cute things. Juuuuust kidding! Sedmikrasky is the story of two young women, going about their daily business. Apparently their daily business consists of sunning themselves while discussing the meaning of life, love, and politics, getting foolish old men to buy them lunch, getting in enormous food fights, and just being "bad" in general. These nihilistic ladies have decided that since the rest of the world has gone bad, they might as well go bad too.

The story telling was very non-linear, only following a loose plot throughout the film. The imagery and editing were fantastic! Very Dada. Lots of symbolism, ie. the cutting of the sausage whilst blonde Marie's suitor is professing his undying love for her. I think it's very rare that you see a movie featuring two women (or really, just two people in general) being completely silly, yet entertaining and thought-provoking. That it was directed by a woman in a time when there probably weren't tons of women making films, let alone being so rebellious and experimental and having so little to derive inspiration from makes it that much more special. I am curious as to whether this movie was an inspiration to Alan Martin and Jamie Hewlett when they were doing the Tank Girl comics?

Grade: A+

Shivers (1975), David Cronenberg


A new man made breed of parasite, spread any number of ways, turns the inhabitants of an island into stark raving mad sex fiends! It doesn't matter if you're male, female, black, white, young, or old- these little guys are equal opportunity. This film predated the AIDS epidemic by several years, pretty powerful foreshadowing if you ask me.

At first, I thought the bugs looked like penises. But as the movie went on, I realized that they're more scatologic than phallic, so no symbolism there. (Or is there?) The scene with Barbara Steele in the bathtub really played on a common fear amongst females; something very unwanted, and very, very icky entering your most private of private places. Between this and the bathtub scene in Nightmare on Elm Street, I think it's pretty safe to say I am a "shower-only" kinda girl.

There were some really fucked up scenes that reminded me a lot of The Shining. You know, as we're being shown around the hotel, looking into all the rooms, seeing all the little slice of life things that make you glad the movie is not taking place in that room. The scene with the old man and his daughter, and the scene with the children on leashes, particularly. The latter of which brings up another thought. Do you think Cronenberg could get away with the scenes involving the sexualization of children in 2008? No way. I see why they were included- because otherwise, the audience would be left asking how the parasite affected the children of the island. I am interested to see if the remake touches on this at all.

But I digress. If you can see through the seemingly ad-libbed dialogue and wooden acting, there is a message there. My first reaction after the movie was: "So... what's the downside? I mean, you don't die. You just have a lot of sex." I was just kidding, of course. You can come up with any number of conclusions, I personally think it was about living in excess and becoming a slave to your vices. Zombie movies are always so moralist!

Best Line: "Roger, I had a very disturbing dream last night. In this dream I found myself making love to a strange man. Only I'm having trouble you see, because he's old... and dying... and he smells bad, and I find him repulsive. But then he tells me that everything is erotic, that everything is sexual. You know what I mean? He tells me that even old flesh is erotic flesh. That disease is the love of two alien kinds of creatures for each other. That even dying is an act of eroticism. That talking is sexual. That breathing is sexual. That even to physically exist is sexual. And I believe him, and we make love beautifully. " -Nurse Forsythe

Grade: A-

Four Rooms (1995), Alison Anders/Alexandre Rockwell/Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino

One movie, four directors. Tim Roth plays Ted the Bellhop, the only character appearing in all four segments. Anders and Rockwell's contributions were really too boring to even bother explaining in depth. A coven of super-babe witches and a role-playing couple, respectively. Rodriguez's segment was the best- a pair of really, REALLY mischievous siblings toying with the poor bellhop. If you think little kids smoking, drinking, and saying "fuck" a lot, watching the porno channel, and basically raising as much hell as possible is as hilarious as I did, I think you'll agree with me. Tarantino's segment was classic QT. Long takes, dialogue-heavy, bare feet, drug use, the use of the word "fuck" over a hundred times, white Honda Civics and old GM's, a 1960s media reference, I could go on.

Four Rooms bombed at the box office, despite the impressive ensemble cast. The movie is really not anything mind-blowing. The first half is terribly boring. It was a good idea, executed poorly by Anders and Rockwell. I heard a rumor that the part of Ted the Bellhop was written with Steve Buscemi in mind. One can only imagine how much better this movie would have been without Tim Roth spazzing his way through this movie like a coked-up Jerry Lewis. I think that any Tarantino/Rodriguez collaboration is pretty much pure gold, so you might as well just skip ahead to the 3rd and 4th stories, if you feel you must watch it.

Best Line: "Impossible! You can't see shit! Now GO to SLEEP!" -Ted the Bellhop

Grade: C

Thriller - en grym film (1974), Bo Arne Vibenus.
Thriller: A Cruel Picture

Another Tarantino favorite, this one inspired the "visually impaired" character of Elle Driver in Kill Bill. (I also suspect this movie inspired Abel Ferrara in making Ms. 45, but that is another post for another day.)

Christina Lindberg, of 70's sexploitation fame, plays Frigga, a young woman rendered mute after a sexual assault when she was a child. She grows up into a beautiful, although naive woman, due to her parents' isolation since the "incident." Narrowly missing the bus to a doctor's appointment one day, she meets a rich and exciting man, who seems like a perfect excuse to run away from her boring/lonely life. Little does she know, her Prince Charming is scheming to turn her into a heroin-addicted, one-eyed prostitute! No longer one to take things lying down (har har), when Frigga is not being violated ten ways to Sunday, she begins learning how to be a total badass in every way! Another great female revenge movie, brought to you by 1970's grindhouse culture.

The opening scene is incredibly disturbing, with the rape of Frigga by an utterly disgusting looking old man with an unknown substance oozing out of his mouth, shot from her POV. But that is merely the shape of things to come. After the movie was filmed, shots of penetration from hardcore porno films were added into the scenes of her forced prostitution. I found these clips to be almost clinical (gynecological?), and therefore, pretty revolting. It's a very quiet movie, much more visually stimulating that aurally. The lead character doesn't speak, there is little in the way of sound effects, and the little score that was used was extremely nerve wracking. The slow (and i mean S-L-O-W) motion action scenes were really nifty, they probably inspired Vincent Gallo and the Wachowski brothers (among countless others) to include such "bullet time" sequences in their movies.

The revenge that Frigga got at the end doesn't seem nearly equal to the amount of abuse she received during the film. I think that was intentional on Vibenius' part, as it was a pretty bleak movie all around. That said, I think color-coordinated eyepatches are probably the toughest fashion statement I've ever seen. Frigga is definitely an iconic female character for lovers of garbage cinema like myself.

Grade: B

Shurayukihime (1973), Toshiya Fujita.
Lady Snowblood


One of Quentin Tarantino's favorite films, and obviously a huge inspiration for Kill Bill (go here for an in-depth comparison), Lady Snowblood is a surprisingly fast-paced story of vengeance (and ass-kicking). An innocent family walk in the woods takes a turn for the absolute worst when a case of mistaken identity leads four ruthless criminals to savagely murder a woman's husband and son, before she is repeatedly raped and set free. She manages to kill one of the four criminals, but is sentenced to life in prison before her job is done. While in prison, she gives birth to a girl, Yuki, who she hands over to her fellow inmates, telling them that she must grow up to avenge the brutal and senseless murders of her family members. Yuki grows up to be a highly skilled killer, bent on retribution.

The story is told in chapters, devoting one chapter each to the gang of four. While it is a very dialogue-heavy movie, there were definitely enough plot twists and action sequences to keep me intrigued throughout the entire movie. The music was fantastic, I can totally picture RZA jamming that shit, which probably explains why the opening song was used in Kill Bill. I love action movies where you can actually see the action (that seems hard to come by these days), and the setting of late 1800's Japan could not be more beautiful; so needless to say, I loved Fujita's delicate camerawork. But alas, the blood that seemed to geyser out of unlucky victims' severed limbs was probably my favorite part, I won't lie.

Grade: A+